Respect



Tom Ward
Staff Ombudsman



What is Respect?

Respect means a lot of different things. On a practical level it seems to include taking someone's feelings, needs, thoughts, ideas, wishes and preferences into consideration. It also means taking all of these seriously and giving them worth and value. In fact, giving someone respect seems similar to valuing them and their thoughts, feelings, etc. It also includes acknowledging and listening to another person, being truthful with them, and accepting their individuality and idiosyncrasies.

Respect can be shown through behavior and it can also be felt. We can act in ways which are considered respectful, yet we can also feel respect for someone and feel respected by someone. Because it is possible to act in ways that do not reflect how we really feel, the feeling of respect is more important than the behavior without the feeling. When the feeling is there, the behavior will naturally follow.

Respect by all members of the Clemson University community for all members of the Clemson University Community is a standard we are all expected to demonstrate and uphold.

Why is Respect Important?

Respect is important at Clemson University because “organizations competing in the knowledge economy are said to require ideas, input and intelligence from all organizational member for success”.2 Feeling respect helps to insure that each employee is committed to doing their part in making Clemson an outstanding environment.

We can all sense whether we are respected or not. When we are respected we gain the voluntary cooperation of people. We don't have to use as much of our energy and resources trying to get our needs met. When people respect one another there are fewer conflicts. In summary, it is for both noble and practical reasons that respect is important, and also why we simply feel better when we are respected.

Where Does Respect Come From?

On an individual level, respect is based on the recognition of each person’s inherent worth and value. When relating to roles, respect must be earned. One earns another's respect by voluntarily taking others perspectives, feelings, needs and thoughts into consideration. When we acknowledge, value and accept others, we are demonstrating respect.

Respect is like a boomerang in the sense that you must send it out before it will come back to you. Respect cannot be demanded or forced, though sometimes people mistakenly believe that it can.

Leadership, Power, Authority and Respect

Leadership is defined as “Persuading other people to set aside, for a period of time, their individual concerns and to pursue a common goal that is important for the responsibilities and welfare of a group”. 3

Power is defined as “the ability to provide or withhold valued resources or administer punishments”. 3

Authority is defined as “an institutionalized role or arrangement that affords power”.3

There is a danger in mislabeling fear as respect. The relationships between an employee and a supervisor is one that is not equal and does not have a balance of power.1  Deferring to authority is different than respecting authority. Deference is, no doubt, important and expected, but it is incomplete. Authority alone does not necessarily result in loyalty and respect. Commanding respect based solely on authority reflects a relationship based on the fear of consequences. While this can, at times, yield desired results, it is often an incomplete and insufficient basis for achieving excellence.

Consider these comparisons between fear and respect:

• Fear is learned and forced. Respect is earned and voluntary.
• Fear is restricting and controlling. Respect is motivating and enabling.
• Fear threatens self-confidence. Respect builds self-confidence.

An important question to ask is “What motivates an employee to respect their supervisor and senior managers”? More often times than not, it’s about that employee feeling respected by that supervisor and knowing that genuine integrity is important to that supervisor.

Expecting adherence to regulations and standards can be done in a respectful manner. Even if circumstances require that the person in authority institute disciplinary actions, they can do so with a respectful attitude and manner. If we discipline in anger, use threats and/or intimidation, or act unfairly, what does that person learn? It often results in fear, lack of trust, to avoid or only interact with the supervisor when absolutely necessary. Is it likely this employee will make efforts to go above and beyond to improve the workplace or help that supervisor look good? Doubtful.  If we institute discipline calmly and fairly out of concern for the workplace and the individuals with the goal of correcting behavior, what will that person learn? They will probably still be unhappy, but people know when they have been dealt with fairly, and they tend to respect that.

Every supervisor should ask themselves (and their employees) the following questions:

• What is my goal in dealing with this employee? Is my approach likely to achieve my goal?
• Are my employees willing to voluntarily go above and beyond expectations to improve their workplace? Why or why not?
• Am I consistent and fair in my dealings with my employees?
• Do my employees see me as trying to control them or enable their work?
• How do I act when I get upset with an employee?
• Do my employees trust me?
• Do my employees respect me?

It is about providing the necessary motivation, structure and support to achieve excellence in the workplace.

Showing and Earning Respect

Part of respecting someone means respecting their needs and feelings. If we fail to recognize and respect needs and feelings, we fail to respect the person.

Respecting someone's needs and feelings consists of:

• Learning/recognizing what an individual needs in specific situations.
• Asking a person how they feel about specific things.
• Validating with a person’s perspective and feelings (even if you don’t agree with them).
• Work towards understanding a person’s perspective and feelings (even if you don’t agree with them).
• Take a person’s needs, perspective and feelings into consideration when making decisions.

For this process to work, several things are required. For example:

• Each person must be aware of their own needs, perspective and feelings.
• They must be able to express their views and feelings.
• They must know how to listen non-judgmentally & non-defensively.
• They must know how to validate others views and feelings.
• They must believe that others perspectives and feelings have value.

Here are some specific ways to show respect:

• Asking others "what do you think about..." before making a decision which affects them.
• Voluntarily making changes and compromises, when possible, to accommodate a person’s needs, desires and feelings.  
• Avoid interrupting someone when they are talking to you.
• Solicit and consider feedback.
• Try to understand each person’s needs, values and beliefs.
• Give each person the opportunity to solve their own problems without underestimating them. Specifically, avoid telling them what to do; avoid telling them what they “need to” or “should” do; and avoid giving them unsolicited advice, sermons and lectures.

An effective way of finding out whether others feel respected by you is to simply ask, "On a scale of 0-10, how much do you feel respected by me". If you have created a safe environment, you are likely to get an honest answer. Most people are more than willing to express themselves when asked such a question.

We Don't Feel Respected When...

We are forced We are ignored We are threatened We feel imposed upon We feel intruded upon We feel judged or rejected We are not listened to We are lied to We are lied about We are not given reasonable explanations We are not asked for our opinions We are invalidated We are interrupted We are laughed at (especially when we are upset or in pain or some kind of trouble)

We are not cared about We are mocked We are stereotyped We are underestimated We are not taken seriously Our feelings are not taken seriously Our preferences are not taken seriously Our dreams are not taken seriously Our ideas are not taken seriously Our needs are not acknowledged and not taken seriously Our questions are not taken seriously Our questions are not answered or are evaded We are told that we wouldn't be able to understand something

We are not asked for our ideas Others make decisions about us without our input Others do not try to understand us Others make assumptions about us We are not asked what we think we need Others tell us what they think we need. We are not asked how we feel Others believe they know what is best for us Others believe they know us better  than we know ourselves Our way of doing things is not accepted Our privacy is invaded or denied We feel betrayed We feel controlled.

Citations:

1. Respect Task Force, London, England, January 2006 (www.respect.gov.uk)
2. “Everyday Failures n Organizational Learning: Explaining the High threshold for Speaking Up at Work”, Dertert & Edmondson, 2006
3. “The Experience of Power; Examining the Effects of Power on Approach and Inhibition Tendencies”,   Anderson & Berdahl, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2002, vol. 83
4. The Chronicle of Higher Education, September 24, 2006